She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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