Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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