Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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