"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Im part way to drunk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
