3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
