lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
organizing the empties. That sober.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I will be naked everywhere
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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