I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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