I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
