You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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