that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So much rum. So many feels.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
