i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
