My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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