There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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