here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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