Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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