just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
