OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
