He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
