why didn't you poke me back
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I need help removing her.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize