pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
