i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
