I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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