Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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