Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
