my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
