how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
