my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
