Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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