My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
