I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
