like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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