Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
