I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
