You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
