is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
