Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
