dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
