The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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