I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
