3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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