I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
