Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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