i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
