How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
