im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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