So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
