He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
