My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
