highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
