first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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