you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
