I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
