So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
