We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
