i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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