did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
