So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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