Are we in a gay sports bar?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
