omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize