so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
