I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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