thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize