So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
