How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
id be glad to
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
