Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
