If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
