the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
