Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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