She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize