jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize