I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
