good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
