Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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