I wish I could teleport
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
