Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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