this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
