I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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