Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
