I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
