so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
