I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
