I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
