What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
True college students do jello shots in the library
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