I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize