Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
