He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
