I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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