I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize