So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
