he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
