I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
