Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
