I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
