I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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