She is in my trunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
