Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
