Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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