I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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