As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
