she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
