It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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