That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
