I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
