Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
