1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
