I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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