fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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